Admittedly, I'm very tired, weary and generally stressed, but honestly, people, get a grip.
To the cleaning lady at the office: I find it commendable that, for the first time in a year, you've decided to vacuum under my desk. Next time, please do so when I am in my office and can move the operating fan myself, rather than you doing it, messing it up and not putting it back.
To the subordinate who has not spoken to me since the end of June: Get over it. If you respond this way to my simple request for a meeting with you to discuss the time you spend at the student organization (across campus, always on a Friday afternoon, always entailing leaving at noon and not coming back to our office, even though you are supposed to work until five, and generally happening at least twice - usually three times - per month), it makes me think that you think you have something to hide. I noticed the silent treatment after the second day - just wanted to see how far you would take it. Answer? Far enough for me to wonder how much you really want to work here.
To the other subordinate: Please clean out the reporting file. It's not necessary to keep three copies of the report in addition to your handwritten worksheet. Ditch everything except that and a clean copy of the final - no one has time to dig through three copies of a report, trying to figure out which one was the one actually sent to the Feds.
To the office at large: It may be my week for "kitchen duty", but I am not your mother. I am perfectly happy to track down anyone who leaves a mess in the microwave, cutlery in the sink to "soak" or water all over the counter and stand over them while they clean their own mess.
To our fundraisers: Not getting appropriate signed documentation from generous donors means we cannot record the pledge. Your not doing your job - back in November - forced us to record the pledge at the last minute at our June 30th year end (because you needed it in order to meet your fundraising goals for the year) based on promises from you that you would get appropriate (and suitably backdated) documentation from the donor. Said documentation, if it arrives at the last possible minute in the audit process - after the draft statements have been reviewed by the auditors - and contains a significant deviation from our original understanding, will cause an audit adjustment. Said audit adjustment not only causes more work for everyone involved, but significantly increases our health insurance rates, as at least eight people have developed bleeding ulcers as a result of your failure to perform the basic functions of your job.
To whomever is losing all the paperwork I've handed in: Why do I bother? All of my stuff was handed in a full week ahead of the deadlines, with supporting documentation attached. When I said all of my work for the audit was done, I meant just that: finished, checked twice, checked against the responsibility list and handed in. That was, I admit, before the fundraising snafu caused some of those workpapers to be redone not once, but twice. Even so, I do know you have everything - look for it.
To the person who will be coordinating the upcoming grants audit: Yes, indeedy, I am already finished compiling and assembling the information I provide for that audit. All of the schedules - including the supporting queries - are electronically saved in the specially named file on the shared drive. Just in case you happen to "lose" those files between now and October, I kept a copy in my own file as well. I will be on vacation the week the auditors are in, so you'd better let me know now if you need anything else.
To the guy outside who randomly yells "hey!": can I come join you?
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