Contortionist

Early this evening I met Elyssa (thanks for the coffee!) and her fiancee Mike (who is a very sweet man) at a local Starbucks. When it was time to leave, I walked out to the parking lot to find that a very large white Chevy panel van had parked so close to my car that its passenger side mirror and my drivers side window might have become very intimate, if it weren't that they were at different heights. Seriously - the vehicles were about ten inches apart.

Back into Starbucks.

"Does anyone here own a white Chevy van with temporary plates?"

No response.

Crud. That meant the van belonged to the business next door to the coffee shop, a business that was shut up tight for the night. If I wanted to get home, I'd have to crawl in from the passenger side.

Sigh. I drive a Honda Civic coupe. A manual transmission coupe. A manual transmission coupe with a nice center console behind the gear shift lever.

Open door. Throw purse in back seat. Take off coat, also throw in back seat. Get in car.

Hmmm. Lower passenger seat back, thinking the extra room would make things easier. Whoops - big mistake - better leverage with the seat mostly up.

Reach over and lower the drivers side seat to horizontal. Ahh - that should work. Now the big decision - head first, or feet first?

Feet, or rather left foot. OK, lift the rear end over the console, be sure to lift high enough or the emergency brake lever will eliminate the need for a colonoscopy.

Good. One leg on correct side, rear end in drivers seat, one leg still on passenger side. Scoot back on reclined seat, bring leg over, scoot forward, raise seat back.

Next time I go to that Starbucks, I'll make sure to park so no one can park next to me.