Monday, March 26, 2007

Talkin' to the girls

In the midst of his catching-up-on-the-weekend post, Terry has some excellent advice for young ladies about the One Thing guys think about incessantly.

Terry is dealing as a parent with teenage and soon-to-be teenage daughters. I, on the other hand, have the privilege of having as friends a group of sweet, godly, intelligent 20-something young women.

Yeah, I'm talking to you, ladies. It's much easier to get this out in the open here, rather than face to face, but you still need to listen:

Guys already think about one thing 24/7/365; don't make things more difficult for the poor dears than they already are.

Point #1: You don't have to dress like Britney to be dressed inappropriately. All the needed pieces may be amply covered, your girlfriends may say you look really cute - even I may say you look really cute - but if anything is short/tight/prone to slipping/likely to be blown upwards when you pass over a sewer grate, think again about wearing it.

Remember, it's not just your guy thinking "hubba-hubba" with his second brain, it's also the clerk at the gas station, the guy in the business suit walking past you and even your best friend's father.

Pause for a collective "Eeeeewwww." Sorry ladies, they can't help it.

You, on the other hand, can. Take a look in a full-length mirror before you leave the house. When in doubt, button up or cover up. Just not too tightly.

Point #2: Be very careful with all physical contact. Set boundaries early and review them often (my personal favorite: "You WILL ask permission before you touch me or I WILL use my 3" heels for more than just making me taller." It also serves as an excuse for new shoes).

Seriously, ladies. If seeing the wrong thing is the match that lights the flame, the wrong kind of contact is the gasoline and blowtorch. What to avoid can be obvious - full-body hugs, sprawling all over one another while watching a movie (with the lights out) - but some are much more subtle. Taking his arm in yours and leaning against him, constantly touching his arm or back in what seems to be an innocent way...may not be the best idea. Just because you are older and out from most parental oversight in these things does not mean your parents were wrong.

There is a long, slippery slope between holding hands and pre-marital monkeyshines. Pick a spot high up on that hill and build yourself an unassailable bulwark. If he refuses to honor it, show him the door.

Point #3: If he's not interested, he's not interested - move on.

You can't change how anyone else feels; you can only change how you choose to deal with it.

Don't wait for him to "come around", don't put the rest of life on hold. If he does eventually come back, feel free to take him back - if you're not already too busy.

Point #4: If he's broken your heart once (or more) already, but wants to come back, don't be afraid to ask him to prove he's changed. There's a time to be generous and forgiving, but there's also a time to be generous, forgiving and wary. The only person we have the power to change is ourselves; if he hasn't done the work himself, you can't do it for him.

So, ok, the last couple points have nothing to do with the one thing men think about All. THE. TIME. But they are still valid points.

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Gen 1:27 (NASB)

Male and female, He created them: parts of the same whole, but much different physically, emotionally and relationally. We are wonderously, incredibly, sometimes frustratingly different, but are meant to be together as different facets of the same creation. This is certainly proof of God's sense of humor.

I've rambled a bit from the original thesis here, but am going to let this stand. All of you young ladies are dear to me, and I pray only for God's first, best plans for you.

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